10 Year Hair Free “Celebration”: SOLID BALD video playlist link

10 Years Ago today, I perpetuated my greatest act of self harm (not according to my medical records) and I shaved my head.

The reasons were numerous – my hair was (and had been for a long time) falling out. My hairline was (and had been for a long time) receding and the [re]gains I’d made with L’Oréal Regane a couple of years earlier had faded into dust.

I also hated myself, felt that I was too confident in my looks and felt miserable and that I deserved to be even more miserable.

It’s an act I have regretted and resented but never stopping thinking about for a long time.

Over time – as I discuss in “an underread masterpiece” (my words), hip-hop-o-crit – I came to realise that floppy, long, hair had been an important part of my gender identity, and that losing the most feminine part of my appearance was something that caused more upset than I had anticipated.

I felt similarly when the soft, feminising body and face shape that I had grown when I became less thin during the pandemic (while on a heady cocktail of psychiatric medications and free dining at an Italian restaurant five days a week) dissipated once I was medicine-free and on a healthier (or at least less carbs and fats) diet…

I still don’t like the way I look. But if I had enough money for a hair transplant (I don’t have enough money for a wig) and had to spend it on voluntary medical procedures, that wouldn’t be what I’d spend it on [first] – I’d get laser eye surgery and then better teeth. (And then new hair 🙏.)

Do I like being bald? No.

Do I like myself more than I did when I first shaved my head? Yes.

I don’t know what comes next, hairwise or bodywise, but please do head over to YouTube to watch some of this playlist of my various bedroom/garage/attic/bathroom performances as SOLID BALD, my cabaret singing alter ego, from over the years, plus a new video that’s an excerpt from my first ever performance of live music in front of an audience since August 2010.

Thanks for joining me in my hairfree literary commentary!

10 More Years!!!