It’s been a month since I last posted here, and the reason why is that the breakdown I’ve been careening towards over the past few months (see previous post for some really weird stuff about a premonition of drowning) exploded far more seriously than I was prepared for, following a major – and very real – life trauma (which I’m not yet ready to discuss, so don’t expect me to).
My mind snapped, and the panic attacks and the bouts of crying and screaming that had been increasing in regularity when alone and in private started happening everywhere I went. I was unable to concentrate, unable to read, unable to talk and unable to do anything other than cry and scream and hyperventilate and think of ways in which to kill myself. I was in hospital, but not for long, but I haven’t been able to write much more than a tweet for weeks. I didn’t kill myself and I don’t think I’m likely to now. But, y’know, it’s never easy to tell when a breakdown is over…
I’m back on my blog now, at least, so I’m somewhat fixed and therefore moving towards at least an idea of returning to “normal”. I have a few things happening over the next few months that should keep me both busy and out of psychological trouble, but they could simultaneously cause a massive relapse, lol. We’ll see.
The good news – for any regular readers – is that I’ve managed to get through this entire unpleasant episode (so far) without any reliance on intoxication. Perhaps I’m doing OK; it’s too early to tell. Expect normal Triumph of the Now service to resume shortly.
While low, I made a video montage of pictures of me and Cubby (my dog), accompanied by me singing a bad karaoke version of Shania Twain’s ‘From This Moment On’. It’s proper breakdown output, it’s proper mad. Please watch and enjoy, and then check back soon for some proper content, like. Books and depression and a gently unhinged mind. Some things don’t change. Some things do.